Reflection

After that same person emailed me, I started to think on our relationship. This came to me. 

A joke you played
Makes me smile
A laugh, a pun
I'd run 800 miles.
Just to be
That close to you
And feel you pride
In all I do.

Will I get there?
Can I be close?
A word from you
Will mean the most.

One day perhaps
After a long bend
That day when I
Finally call you friend.

A Merry Amusement

This poem is when a near and dear person to me decided to poke gentle fun at me. 

A joy
A laugh
A freedom
A song
A smile
Some pride
Your pride
Fills me
I'm whole
Complete.

For yesterday and today

Things have been a bit insane so I haven't been able to post as frequently as I'd like. But here are two haikus for yesterday and today. 

Winds blowing, changing
Driving forces transcend me
Hoping to relate.

Thoughts going around
Filling my head and my soul
Driving me insane.

For the past two days

The short Haikus were the only things I could create as my show closed. 

Lights rise in the room.
Anxiety spreads through us
Hoping it will end.

A running last thought
Fills my brain leaving in shards
To painful to think.

Change

So yesterday's poem and the one the day before, was written in the heat of the moment. The big realization turned out to be a big mistake, rather a misunderstanding. Seems this person always shows up when I least expect it at a moment when I need to hear from him the most. 

A turn, a spin
A switch, a change
Emotions unravelled
A changing game.

When I'm on stage
What do you see?
A moment of joy?
Are you proud of me?

No matter what
I do or see
I will always care
About how you look at me.

Will that change?
I don't see how
I love you a lot
Forever and now.

I Should Forget

Thinking of this man makes me reflect on all that I am. And on the pain of rejection that was caused by me thinking too much of him. Here's "I Should Forget."

A sad sort of quiet
Seeps in over me
A realization, a thought
Defining who I will be.

To trust, to love
It takes some time
To have it smashed
Without reason or rhyme.

To hold you up high
To get close to you
A mistake so stupid
And narrow in view.

Your acceptance I long for
But never seem to get
I suppose of this
I should no longer fret.

In you I saw
All I wanted to be,
So proud, so successful
I guess I couldn't see

Past my own blindness
After all, you're only a man
Not a demigod or prince
That would've suited my plan.

I knew I didn't matter
To you much at all,
But praise words from you
Made me feel ten feet tall.

I held each one dear
Close to my heart
To close my open wounds
I thought I'd never start.

I should forget you
Move on through the pain.
Still I think of you fondly
When I hear your name.

Forgetting you
Is the hardest part
After all of the footprints
You've left on my heart.

A surprise

So this poem comes from one of my dear friends and one of my heroes considering coming to a show I'm doing this weekend. I don't know if she'll come or not, but just the fact she is considering it means a ton to me .

Just one night
A balancing act
A tremulant emotion
I'll try not to crack .

I can't believe
After so long
Acknowledgment of my work
She'll see it, right or wrong.  

She's coming to see
The work that I do
A judgement, a snapshot
And a smile too.

I shouldn't be nervous
I really shouldn't fear
I'm sure at worst I'll get
"well done my dear."

But memories still haunt
Of times not long ago
When a tone in her voice
Said things weren't a go.

The fear still exists
The terror all to real
From curtain to curtain
I'm sure I won't feel

Any joy from praise
That comes my way
A light in her eyes
Will be all that's needed to say.

Her expressions I know
Only too well
The wrong one that night
Will send me to hell.

As scared as I am
I'm stoked as well
Just to have her there
Even in my private hell.

A laugh, a smile
That's really all I'll need
To make me relax
And the fear to recede.